Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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