If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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