OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
birth control should be required to get into college
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize