I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
