Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Boobs are out for the taking
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
