Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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