i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Houston, we have a squirter
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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