the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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