If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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