Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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