Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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