I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Girls should come with a carfax report
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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