Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
