How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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