I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
My penis needs a shock collar
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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