marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
The adults are the big ones right?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
