Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
