You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
