i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
