I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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