she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
