just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Less talking, more tequila
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize
