Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
