He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
