Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
