Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
