I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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