exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
We need a shit load of segways right now
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
