he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
