Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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