I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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