Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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