for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
