This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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