Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
