Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
