I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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