If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
