So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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