You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
