The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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