Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
