We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
ok first of all what the fuck
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
