Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
