We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
