i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
His nipple licking is glorious
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