week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
