I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
