just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Redeem this text for a blowjob
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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