I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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