haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
