Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
