I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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