my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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