i think my tv is drunk
im six kinds of drunk right now
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
