my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Randomize
