Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
