you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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