She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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