If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
