I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
