My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
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