Christians are straight up FREAKS
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
My pussy is not your playground.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
