he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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