she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
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Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
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thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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