thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
