okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
