piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
