the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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