yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
