May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
