I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
