I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
