I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Randomize
