guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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