A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I forgot how hot balto sounded
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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