pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
