i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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