New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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