My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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