Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
