Dude my mom stole all your condoms
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
