Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
my shit smells like andre
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
