I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
