Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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