I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
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How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize