we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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